I used to think my reactive patterns had a single, recognisable shape, but Ken’s description of patterns having two poles, expressive and receptive, reveals this landscape to be much more fluid. Instead of one behaviour repeating, a pattern oscillates between opposites that look different on the surface, but are actually two expressions of a single dynamic.
A pattern that ran my life for years was staying invisible to avoid conflict. I can see with hindsight that I tended to take the receptive pole as “me” and was blindsided when the expressive pole suddenly erupted. Staying invisible would build pressure until the bottled-up resentments and anger exploded into rage. Ken’s point is that the flip is the pattern reversing direction, like a train running back and forth on the same track. Seeing this has been uncomfortable, but also clarifying.
His key instruction—to hold both poles in attention at the same time—feels like a gentle undoing. I abandoned trying to fix or reject my behaviour, and started hanging out with the whole mess: the urge to hide and the urge to lash out. With both held in awareness, the emotional charge powering this pattern became more visible, and the automatic flip gradually lost momentum.
This isn’t easy work, but it makes reactive patterns feel less solid and more like currents of energy shaped by old fears. When awareness is steady enough to hold both poles of a reaction, more choice becomes available and the pattern itself starts to dissolve.
From Mind Training in Seven Points 15
Every pattern has two poles, which I choose to call expressive and receptive. Active and passive aren’t quite precise enough. The very easy one you see is the bully/coward. The bully is the expressive and the coward is the receptive. Now, bully isn’t a pattern; coward isn’t a pattern. The pattern is bully/coward.
And when you push on a bully and make it impossible for him to be a bully, then he becomes a coward. And when a coward encounters a situation where cowardice doesn’t work, he flips into bully. Which is one of the reasons why some of the weakest people—weak inside—become the most vicious torturers.
So, most of us, in a reactive pattern, identify primarily with either the expressive or the receptive pole. So, we often think we’re just the one side. But as you begin to work on, say the expressive pole, and it becomes more and more difficult for you to function in it, then you will flip and start behaving in exactly the opposite way. And what’s important to understand here is the pattern hasn’t disappeared, you’ve just picked up the train and reversed it. It’s running on the same track.
So, when you start seeing this flip, now you’ve gotta work on the other side. And the best way to do this is to hold the expressive and the receptive in attention at the same time. By doing that you will bring attention to the emotional issue that is driving the pattern as a whole and the split into these two forms of expression.
Related posts:
Recognising Reactivity in Real Time – Part 1
Anger As Intel